Gender and Relationships

I both agree and disagree with Mr. Otto's reflections on marriage.  I agree completely with his statements about the need for serious discussion and reflection before marriage is considered.  To wonder when your boyfriend will propose, or if you should start dropping "subtle hints" does seem awfully immature, as Otto points out.  Presumably, this person would not be ready for marriage.  I think that two people in a healthy, mature relationship should be able to comfortably talk about their future together, without thinking twice about ruining the surprise of a proposal, or something ridiculous like that.  I also agree with Otto's insinuation that marriage is far too wedding-centric.  The focus of an engagement should be on future lives spent together, not on a single day of celebration.

However, I don't believe that the institution of marriage is harmed by traditions that surround engagement.  Nor do I, as a woman, find them to be offensive or demeaning. It is a decades old tradition that the man proposes to the woman in some sort of special/elaborate way.  Personally, I would feel awkward if the roles were reversed.   I don't care if it lessens the equality between a man and a woman, I think it is the man's job to propose.  I bet a lot of men feel that way too.  I would think that to be proposed to, to have their moment stolen, would be emasculating.  More broadly, I suppose this speaks to a man's role as the protector and provider.  While I think it's ridiculous to expect a man to provide fully and completely for the his family, without any help, I still like the idea of men being the protectors.  I think it's sweet.

I guess my own parents' engagement was ideal.  They'd been dating for seven years, and of course marriage had come up.  They discussed it at length before they got engaged.  But when my dad did finally propose, he did it at a beautiful location overlooking the Pacific Ocean.  He gave my mom a ruby necklace, not a ring.  Once my mom had me, she stopped working.  So now my father is the sole financial provider for the family.  Therefore, I suppose, my parents fit in to stereotypical gender roles.

Article referenced: http://bustedhalo.com/features/when-will-he-propose

Reflection on "Human Sexuality: 'Wonderful Gift' and 'Awesome Responsibility'" (by Richard Sparks, C.S.P.)

     It was interesting to me that during the 1990's U.S. Catholic Bishops went out of their way to reshape the negative aura that the church seemingly cast around sex. Also, I was surprised that they included homosexuals in a paragraph about "wisely handling ones purity." However, the age old familiar words of "chastity and virtue are wonderful gifts" etc. etc. are abundantly present. Not to say that I disagree, of course, it's just I'm not sure I like the style in which the messages are expressed. It's almost as if some of the paragraphs were written by an extremely conservative person who is trying to spin his or her argument so that is sounds more appealing to people with more centralist views.

      I generally liked the way the passage talks about the "unitive dimension" of sex, and of course I was not surprised at all by what I found in the "procreative dimension" section. That is a theme I recognized because of it's current prominence in the media and it's central importance to church beliefs, especially now in our society.

     This anti-contraception theme is continued in the paragraphs about marriage. I was surprised, although I suppose I shouldn't have been, by the extreme rigidity of the Church's stance. "Regarding other birth control methods, the Catholic Church teaches that 'a couple may never, by direct means (i.e., contraceptives), suppress the procreative possibility of sexual intercourse'." While I knew that was the case, I guess I'd never focused on it enough to actually see the teaching spelled out so clearly in writing. Honestly, it seems as if the church is being somewhat unreasonable. I think their expectations of people are set much too high, in that they are so adamantly opposed to both contraception and abortion. I understand that the two beliefs go hand in hand, and to condone one and not the other would be contradictory.  But what about being realistic?  This is 2012.  According to Church teachings, if you have sex, you have to be ready and willing to become pregnant.  Otherwise, abstinence is your only preventative option.  Clearly for a great many people, both Catholic and not, alternative forms of birth control are much more appealing and make much more sense.  Additionally, as the article goes on to discuss in the section about "single life" and "homosexual orientation", only a married man and a woman should engage in sexual intercourse. That excludes a large number of people.  Again, this is entirely unrealistic.  The fact that these two central beliefs of Catholicism are so widely ignored undermines the Church's authority.

     The theme of confining sex to marriage utterly permeates the article.  However, one theme, I thought, was not.  Love.  Can't sex purely be an act of love, whether that love is defined by marriage or not?  It is possible for deep, meaningful, romantic connections to exist outside marriage.  Shouldn't that be what is important?  The Church's view is clear, and certainly valid.  They say the act of sex is a privilege of committing oneself to marriage, and it is an act that should always be done with openness to procreation.  But the Church is fighting a losing battle, perhaps even one that is already lost. However, I don't anticipate its surrender anytime soon.

Article referenced: http://www.americancatholic.org/newsletters/cu/ac0892.asp

Mission Statement

Passionate is a word that people often use to describe me. When I'm passionate about something I devote my full and entire self to it. At this point in my life it is easy for me to pick out the three things I am immensely passionate about; three things which motivate, inspire, and excite me to no end: theatre, interfaith work, and my friends and family.

For me, there is a clear connection between these three passions. At the heart of each one lies love; love that I have for the stage, for the different cultures I learn about, and for the many wonderful people that I'm blessed to know. My mission is to live out my passions and love to the fullest. I truly believe that this love is at the root of everything one does. Always. This sentiment is expressed beautifully in one of my favorite prayers, a prayer that is attributed to Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ, and is appropriately entitled "Fall in Love."

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is,
than falling in love in a quite absolute final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination,
will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekend,
what you read, who you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in love,
stay in love,
and it will decide everything.

Who Am I?

I don't think it's unusual for people to say that their families have a big influence on who they are.  That is certainly true for me.  It makes sense.  It's bound to happen when you've spent the majority of your childhood with them.  My parents instilled many of my values and beliefs within me.  But they've also given me the freedom to develop my own worldview, even if it differs from their own.  I sometimes wonder if I would be as liberal or as open minded as I am were it not for them.  Then I look at my more conservative friends and think the same thing.  Perhaps if my parents were conservative or theirs were liberal our positions would be completely reversed.  And that right vs. left mindset is something that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.   That's just an example of the huge effect parents can have.  I've been thinking about that a lot lately, in light of the upcoming election.

Theatre is also a huge part of my life.  It's something I really love to do, especially with the community I've found in Cape and Sword (the drama society at the Prep).  During the school year Cape and Sword takes up the majority of my time.  The people in Cape and Sword are my second family.  The Prep theatre is my home away from home.  It has taught me about dedication, community, resiliency, respect, loyalty, and love.  Frankly, I can't even begin to imagine my high school career, or my life, for that matter, without the Cape and Sword.

Finally, my interfaith work and my experiences with other religions and cultures have made a huge impact on my life.  Most directly, they've affected what I want to do professionally.  As a senior, I am now applying to colleges (ahhhhhh).  Largely due to of Face to Face and incredible people I met there, I'm applying to schools as a comparative theology major (or religious studies, depending on the school), with a focus on the middle east. I can't express how important I believe interfaith collaboration and understanding is as a tool for social change, both in our own communities, and around the world.  Additionally, Face to Face has really changed and expanded my view of the world, something for which I will be eternally grateful.